The Verge presents you with Apple spin in the guise of journalism, and here’s how.

The following analysis was sparked by two particular pieces from The Verge’s coverage of Apple’s iPhone event, but their flagrant Apple fandom is arguably apparent with just a glance at their homepage. At the time of writing, 5 of the 7 headline items are Apple related, it looks like this:

Here’s a closer look at that last headline: The iPhone 7 and iPhone 7 Plus feel newer than you expect

Get this people: two phones, announced today and not even available for pre-order yet, don’t just feel new, they feel even NEWER than you expect.

Ahem. Nuff said.

Then there’s this headline: The 11 most important things from Apple’s iPhone 7 event

The subtext being: the whole event was really super important, but these are just the 11 most important things.

But this could be more forgivable right? Because they’re really saying, in their own little shorthand, “here’s what you, the user, the reader, will most likely consider the most important things of Apple’s event to be”. Or are they?

Well let’s break it down…

(all of the below quotes can be found, verbatim, in the original article — capitalisations are mine, for emphasis)

you won’t be able to connect your favorite headphones to the next iPhone without an adapter (which will be included in the box, OF COURSE)

subtext: Apple has got your back, of course. Don’t worry.

it’ll be a little while before we know FOR SURE if this was a good idea

subtext: it’s most likely a good idea, but it’ll be a little while before we can discern if users think it is, so we’ll give ourselves an opt out

It’s supposed to deliver SIMILARLY SATISFYING feedback

subtext: you are satisfied by pressing the home button on your iPhone

Will it actually be AS SATISFYING? We’ve had good results on the Mac

subtext: the old home buttons are satisfying, this one will be as well. All the omens are there. We’re all very satisfied.

But it’s hard to say for sure.

subtext: we’ll sit on the fence until we know which way the wind is blowing

Apple made a lot of bold claims about the new cameras on the iPhone 7S, and WE CAN’T WAIT to put it all to the test.

subtext: this is all so exciting, we can’t wait, isn’t it exciting?!

Serious waterproofing

subtext: this isn’t just any old waterproofing, this is SERIOUS waterproofing!

It still doesn’t have a standalone data connection, but the new Apple Watch SOUNDS LIKE it will be a more independent device than the first one ever was.

subtext: it’s not standalone, but let’s pretend it is

Hopefully, there’ll be no more strolling around awkwardly with your phone in hand

subtext: there must be something good we can say about Pokemon on a watch. Isn’t it such an awkward grind having to look at a phone screen? It’s a miracle we made it through the last 20 years.

With Sierra, Siri will come to the Mac, letting you access things like files and email with voice commands. EVEN MORE IMPORTANT…

subtext: all that stuff was really important, but guess what is even more important?

storing files and moving work back and forth between your Mac and iPhone could be easier and better than ever

subtext: all that stuff has always been so easy and better (than on Apple’s competitors) hasn’t it? And it’s only going to get easier…

It would be laughable, if The Verge was The Onion. It would be understandable, if The Verge was Cult of Mac. But it’s not.

This is how The Verge describes itself on its About page.

The Verge was founded in 2011 in partnership with Vox Media, and covers the intersection of technology, science, art, and culture. Its mission is to offer in-depth reporting and long-form feature stories, breaking news coverage, product information, and community content in a unified and cohesive manner.

Good effort lads. Good effort.

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